What did baseball and America do to deserve this? Jesus Christ, what if this sort of pallid spectacle has come to represent our cultural arrested development? I’m not ready for this sexless sort of knock-kneed kiddie bullshit.
I know I’m like a week late on this, because why would I ever read anything by Natasha Vargas-Cooper unless it were quoted on my dashboard in full, and I know she wants women to be fucking horses and wolves and hairy Animorphs all the time because that’s the only okay version of sexuality-slash-womanhood-remember-they-are-the-same-thing-there-is-no-point-to-a-woman-except-to-have-a-uterus-and-want-to-fuck-something-furry, but lol sexless?  The national anthem was too sexless for you?  You want the national anthem, a poem about crawling out of the darkness of a bloody all-night battle, where you stood sustained by glimpses of the American flag as illuminated by the bombs bursting all around it, to gaze at that battered but still standing symbol of the country you fought for, turned into lyrics and sung to the tune of the enemy’s most difficult drinking song, to turn you on a little more?